Dear Shaq

You know, I always said I’m no Shaq hater, but you are doing a real good job recruiting me into one. You have waaaay too much time on your hand. How about doing something more useful and constructive, like.. training? You know your aging body needs more training just to stay in shape? You know some people go on vacation and still train? But nooooo, you are the one who comes back from off season being fat. How about practicing some free throws? After all, some people go all the way to China playing for gold medal for their country, fresh off leading a team all the way to playoff final, all of which while playing with a finger that needs surgery? But nooooo, you’d probably fake injury just so you can be making bad rap albums, bad movies, bad reality show, stomping around night clubs, getting your badge yanked, getting dumped by your wife, and now you are a pathetic stalker getting slapped by a restraining order. So tell me, how’s MaryJane’s ass taste? I really want to know. How about learning how to write? You know you are no 9-year-old, and didn’t you go to like.. a university? You say you are the big cactus? That’s probably accurate, since cactuses don’t do anything. You say you are a brick wall? Well, brick walls don’t do anything either. You know what you are? You are a big joke, literally.

Buddy you’re a boy make a big mess
Rappin’ in the street gonna be a big has-been some day
You got slapped on yo’ face
You big disgrace
Missing your free-throw all over the place

We will we will fry you!

Oh, umm, I was just freestylin’.  What, you gonna give me a T for that?  Ok Shaq, you got one free throw.

> Clang!!!! <

I rest my case.

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